The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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