I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
