I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
