well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
