How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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