Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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