i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
