So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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