so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Randomize
