i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
This show inspires me to have sex in space
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
