Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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