I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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