Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
