Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
