one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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