I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
