I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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