new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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