i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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