lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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