I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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