did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
