she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
