Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
