what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
