I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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