Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
