OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
