I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
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I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I party with great urgency now.
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