so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
