I just saw a hot homeless man
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
