it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
