Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
