When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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