The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
