I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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