he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
