I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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