rhymes with "ouble enetration"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm sobbing to NWA
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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