Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
