I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
