I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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