The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
