wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
