If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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