her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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