My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize