6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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