Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
