sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
