When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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