My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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