Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
