Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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