The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
