I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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