They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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