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I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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