I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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