Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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