why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
