It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
