so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
