my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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