I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
