you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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