in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
