literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
