the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
