there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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