Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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