If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
