So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
