my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
