She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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