omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
