the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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