just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
