I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm passing your future prison.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
