evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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